4.
Social Communication
I avoid traditional methods for teaching social communication ("social skills"). Here's why:
1. They lead neurodivergent learners to feel ashamed for interacting in ways that don't fit the norm. That is rarely the intention, but when the unspoken (or spoken) message is "there's something wrong with the way you do things naturally", it's pretty hard to avoid inducing shame.
2. They choose topics to teach based on teaching the learner to change the way they act so they don't a) do things that the adults don't like, and b) seem different from others. Apart from the inherent problems with that, this also means very critical safety skills are often not addressed, as they don't fall into either of those categories. In a population that is many times more likely to be bullied, mistreated, or even abused than the general population, failure to address safety skills has very real consequences. It also means that skills that would help with quality of life from the learner's perspective (receptive understanding of social skills, self advocacy, etc) don't get addressed fully or at all.
3. They teach masking (also known as "camouflaging"), which is hiding neurodivergent traits because they make someone look different. Autistic adults have been saying for years how hard it is on their mental health, and now we have studies demonstrating that impact on mental health in both children and adults. Teaching social skills can be empowering when done right - teaching people that they have to hide who they are, however, can be truly damaging.
If that's wrong, then what does social skills therapy done right look like?
Good social communication therapy...
1. Uses the perspective of cultural differences, not deficiencies.
Neurotypical social communication norms are the products of culture, not some outside "right" or "wrong" way to do things. Eye contact, polite ways of talking, concepts around friendship, personal space, these are all very much products of culture. So when discussing anything related to social communication norms, it needs to be understood that these are simply a reflection of the culture of neurotypical people in a given region. It is helpful to understand them, but they aren't inherently better or worse than other ways.
Additionally, we need to make absolutely certain that we are not promoting masking/camouflaging of neurodivergent traits in the teaching of these norms. Teaching from the perspective of culture really helps decrease the risk of that. The way I approach it is "Hey, look at this part of neurotypical culture, isn't it fascinating how they do that?" There's no implication that the learner needs to act that way themselves, simply an exploration of another way of doing things.
2. Focuses on what will truly help the learner be happy, safe, mentally/physically healthy, and pursue their own goals.
This means looking at the real life struggles that they have in their own lives, not as they appear to us, but from the learner's own perspective.
What sorts of real life problems do neurodivergent people with social communication differences face? Misunderstandings, mistreatment, abuse, and mental health struggles are common themes found both in research and in the writings of neurodivergent adults. Since we know this, we need to make sure that our treatment takes these areas into account.
Up Next!
Want to learn more about the sorts of concepts I teach when I work on social communication? I've got a whole explanation of what I teach (and how you can do it yourself!) on the next page.